Take a short memo you have laying around on your desk.  Pick a really boring one, like maybe the one everyone gets once a year from Human Resources where they explain in really simple terms how your 401(k) works, or the one where they tell you how to log into the various web “portals” they have that will make it SO MUCH EASIER for you to find what you’re looking for on an HR website (even though no one has ever found anything on any HR website ever).  That’s not the point, though- the point is to locate a relatively short and boring memo.

Now that you have the memo, re-write it using only very simple nouns, and using anthropomorphized animals to illustrate the salient point of the memo.  Pigs are good, as are ducks and cats.  Print your revised memo onto card stock, and bind it together with a jazzy illustrated cover, full of bright colors and a wacky font.

Now.  Read it to your co-worker FOUR MILLION times.  No, I’m NOT kidding.  Read it to her.  Again.  AGAIN.  AGAIN.  Do not attempt to start in the middle of your memo, or to skip pages.  Read it using accents, funny voices, or while quacking.  Read it again.  You can TRY and read her another memo, and you might get away with it for a moment, maybe two if you offer a snack along with another memo, but don’t think you’re fooling anyone.  Don’t try and go to the bathroom in between readings, even if you PROMISE to come back and read it again.

Do all this reading while sitting in a chair sized for a toddler, 8 inches off the ground.  Go ahead, lower all 200 pounds of yourself onto a tiny red chair and try and tuck your legs under the equally miniature table, and read your memo.  Let your co-worker flip the pages, even when you’re not done reading the page you’re on.  It goes without saying that your coworker is climbing on you, the chair, the memo, and also has a runny nose.

OMFG, motherhood.

Current memo: Richard Scarry’s Best Word Book Ever

Coworker:

Coworker

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