I don’t talk about it much, because there’s not that much to say, other than MOTHERFUCKER THIS SUCKS, but I have a problem.  A problem in my feet.  A problem in my feet that makes them go numb and tingly and crampy after about… 2 minutes of exercise.  And not like, hardcore, rock climbing in high heels while carrying an adult man on your back, exercise.  No, I mean walking.  Strolling.  Once around the block.  A small block.

This shit has been going on since early 2010, meaning two and a half years of not being able to enjoy any physical activity other than yoga (I know, I know, I should have been swimming.  Find me a pool with decent lane hours that’s not heated to ten million degrees, and I’ll go swimming). And yes, there was the pregnancy in there, and the horrid months of infancy, so my mind was elsewhere, but it’s always been at the back of my mind… when will I ever be able to walk again?

Other than the hiatus caused by the making and arriving of Olivia, I have been chasing this thing endlessly- general practitioners, rheumatologists, neurologists, physical therapists, massage therapists, orthopedists, acupuncturists, vascular surgeons, et-fucking-cetera.  It wasn’t until the vascular surgeon laughed in my face and asked me if I’d seen a podiatrist that it even occurred to me.

WAIT. YOU MEAN WHEN THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR FEET, YOU GO TO A FOOT DOCTOR?

In other news, I am a complete idiot.

So I made an appointment with a podiatrist, who listened carefully to my description, and calmly and without scratching her head like it was the weirdest collection of symptoms she’d ever heard, said “Oh, sounds like Compartment Syndrome to me.”  And she sent me to a specialist, a very nice man with a very large needle, who was able to perform the definitive test to diagnose this Compartment Syndrome.

So last Friday, I hopped up on an exam table and actually crossed my fingers that I did in fact, have a Syndrome.  I’ve never been so nervous to take a test before- could this finally be it?  Please, oh please, please please let this be it because this is fixable and nameable and no one has ever died from it, and at the rate I am gaining weight I might actually die of not fixing it, OH GOD THAT NEEDLE IS HUGE.

Your average person has a pressure in the particular foot compartment he measured of  8mm Hg.  Mine, at COMPLETE REST, measured in at 25mm Hg, three times normal, and most likely skyrockets from there when exercising.  I wept in my car after the appointment- because I finally know what this is and even though the answer is surgery at least I KNOW.

I don’t actually know exactly where we go from here, in terms of solutions.  I almost don’t even care.  I KNOW WHAT’S WRONG.

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