Y’all, we are in the home stretch, and soon this space will be filled with whatever my angst is about having a newborn, instead of my angst about pregnancy.  I know, I am promising you some thrilling content, is what I am saying.

In any case, today I am officially 39 weeks pregnant, which means there are at MOST three more weeks of this, because I am quite sure no one will let me go longer than 42 weeks and if that did happen to you, for the love of God, just shut your mouth about it, because I really don’t want to contemplate that particular possibility.

I think I’ve finally discovered what it is about late pregnancy that makes women lose their shit and beg to become un-pregnant.  It’s not that I am particularly uncomfortable- I mean, yes, of course, I can’t exactly get out of bed or roll over without a crane and a cantilever, and my fingers most closely resemble the hands of Austin Power’s Fat Bastard, but overall, this stage is no worse on the comfort level than any other.

No, what’s really fucking annoying about being this pregnant is the constant monitoring of my body.  Is that a contraction?  Did my water break?  Is that my mucus plug? For the record, other than what I have recently discovered are Braxton-Hicks contractions, I am showing absolutely no signs of going into labor.  But when my back hurts, or SOMEONE shoves their fist directly into my cervix, I start to wonder.

One thing I will say the midwifery model of care has going for it is that I have yet to be “checked” for cervical dilation.  On the pregnancy boards I read, women start bitching about being stuck a one or two centimeters starting as early as 36 weeks- and honestly, if I knew how dilated I was and wasn’t seeing any progress, I’d be pretty bitchy too.  But I have no idea what’s happening in there, and that makes it easier to trust that everything is happening as it is supposed to.  Besides, aren’t I SUPPOSED to go to 40 weeks?  The number of women on these pregnancy boards I read who are FURIOUS to find themselves still pregnant at 38 weeks is astounding.

Other than excessively monitoring the status of my lower region, there is nothing left to do to prepare.  There is only waiting and walking, wondering and watching.  I wish I could tell you something more interesting about my current state of affairs, but there isn’t much to report.

Hope you’re all having a wonderful weekend!

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