I have been having a blessedly uneventful pregnancy thus far (all appendages crossed), but just recently things have taken a turn for the more exciting- as in, whoever is hanging out in there has started to make his presence felt, and OH. MY. GOD. is it the strangest sensation ever.

At first, it was just these strange…. shit, I don’t even know how to describe them… sensations like sometimes, you feel like a block of food has shifted around in your stomach?  As if your dinner was some sort of elaborate Tetris game?  That’s how it feels to me- like something dropping, even when it happens in an upwards direction.  I think I must have a bruiser in there, because this is the farthest thing from fluttering I could ever imagine.

In any case, these strange GLUMBPS (that’s the sound it makes in my head.  No, you shut up, I am not a very good descriptive writer) have been happening for a couple of weeks now, more and more regularly, more and more discernible as what they really are, instead of making me pause in the middle of a grocery store aisle, wondering… Did I just feel what I think I just felt?

And they’ve mostly been localized around the lower portion of the baby-holder, sometimes so low I wonder how fresh, exactly, does this fetus think it’s allowed to get with me?  At our last midwife appointment (OH GOD, do I have a story for you, see next paragraph), Lori (that’s her name, the midwife) thought the fetus was oriented (ok, answer me this- “orientated”- not a real word, right?  Why the extra syllable when “oriented” will do just fine?) head up, feet down, so the GLUMBPS seemed to be located in the right general area to be baby kicks.

ASIDE: last week, I went to the little white pill prescribing doctor, to get more little white pills, and since she hadn’t seen me in a while, we caught up on all that’s happening, including the part where I am pregnant.  She, of course, wanted to know what OB I was using, and when I told her we were using a midwife, she looked at me, and in ALL SERIOUSNESS, asked “But who is doing your pre-natal care?”  I should have said, “oh, no one, I am reading about it on the internet,” but I am not that quick-witted, so I just said, “the midwife,” which prompted the doctor to then ask if midwives could even order ultrasounds?  NO, LADY, THEY ARE WITCH DOCTORS AND THEY DO IT ALL WITH INCANTATIONS AND HERBAL TEA.

I get that not a lot of women choose to use a midwife in this day and age, but I kinda did expect a medical professional to be at least vaguely familiar with what a midwife is, in general.  I mean, I was, before I got pregnant.  Am I weird? (Do not answer that).

ANYWHO (Christ, I thought this was going to be a short entry, but I appear constitutionally unable to get to the point, ever.  Having a real life conversation with me must be really really frustrating), back to the original topic, which was fetus kicking me in the girl bits.

Last night, as I was tossing and turning for the fifth or sixth time, trying to find some variation of laying on my side that didn’t feel like ass, I felt a giant GLUMBP right below my belly button, one bigger than I’d ever felt before.  Wacky, I thought, and then my right hip started to tingle and I forgot all about it.

This morning, it turns out, the kicks are situated just below my belly button.

I think baby just did his first (identifiable to me) FULL FLIP.

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