So, that didn’t go quite the way I planned (the writing a post every day, for those of you who are just now joining us). By the time I figured out a topic for yesterday’s blog post (GOD, THAT TAKES FOREVER), it was 3pm, which is apparently the time around this office when massive piles of things start appearing on my desk, all marked URGENT, and FIRST PRIORITY, and OMFG, DEADLINE.
After wading through all of that, I shut down my computer, muttered “fuck this noise” under my breath, and walked out of the office. Once I got home and dinner was on the table, well. Then watching two episodes of Lost seemed like way more fun than typing, so essentially I can’t even set a super easy goal and achieve it these days.
Anyhoo. I know every office has its own personalities, and quirks, and that one guy everyone else stays as far away from as possible, although that guy has yet to be pointed out to me at this particular office. So I think I was prepared, somewhat, for this office to have its own strange little quirks, the ones you just have to accept and move on, because things are the way they are, and there is no changing an office quirk, once it has been established.
But this office, THIS one, the one I am located in, well. I have never encountered an office quirk quite like this one. As background, I am a temporary contractor, which I think must be visible in some way to the full-time employees here, although I have yet to determine what exactly it is about me that marks me as such. Additionally, I was hired to, in part, scan large documents. We’re talking 200 page long documents, that I am required to scan. And finally, in this enormous repurposed warehouse of an office, there are three fax/scan/copiers.
There is, however, only one that works. The automated document feeder on one does work, and there is no way in hell I am placing two hundred pages INSIDE the copier, and then somehow trying to stitch them into a single document. The second copier doesn’t appear to be connected to the network, so there’s no emailing this magical document once it does get scanned, not that the copier tells you this until AFTER you’ve scanned your entire document. Which leaves the third copier, located in the dead center of the office, making it the central printer for almost everyone, as well as the closest copier.
So there I am, in this mini copy room, scanning my large documents, to the tune of 20 a day. I do about three at a time, and then return to my desk to prep the next set for scanning (GOOD GOD, y’all are patient, assuming you’ve read this far. 500 words in, and the point is still shrouded in mystery).
The full-time employees here appear to have some sort of deep love affair with this copier, and view me as the interloper in their torrid and urgent copying needs. People have huffed upon entering and seeing me scanning, and people have rolled their eyes at me and stomped out of the room. I have been accused of breaking the copier when it paper jams, even though I know how to fix it. I have been asked on multiple occasions how many trees I am killing (errr, scanning. SCANNING. Saving trees, last time I checked), and I have been asked my I am always in the copy room (by the person for whom I am scanning documents). Most notably, I have been told to LET THE MACHINE REST. This one I can seriously not wrap my brain around, because really. What is the point of buying a machine that does everything short of make you a vanilla latte if you’re going to tell someone to NOT USE IT?
I realize that these are the sorts of things people ask “jokingly,” but for the love of GOD. I am just here doing the job for which I was hired, not scanning invitations to my next jello orgy (you all, are, of course, invited to that one).