While normally I would be deep into my first downward dog of the day at this hour, several things have conspired to keep me from my typical moment of zen, so instead of breathing deeply, I will catalog my frustrations here, and maybe the effect will be the same.
First of all, I had NO IDEA the weather could be this hideous in Southern California. It is currently pouring rain outside, intermittently thundering (which makes the schoolchildren across the street start screaming at top volume- whether in fear or delight, it remains unclear), and the sky is a deep and nasty gray. In the mythical Southern California of my dreams, it was always sunny and bright- for the love of God, there are PALM TREES outside my window! I expected this shit out of San Francisco, but I am totally unprepared for this here. In addition, I have discovered that despite promises of flip-flops in December, I will still have to exchange my shorts for long pants, and dig out a sweater or two. CALIFORNIA, CONSIDER ME DISAPPOINTED.
In less complainy news, I did, indeed, get the job I interviewed for yesterday morning, and I managed to sound halfway intelligent when discussing my salary requirements, instead of stupidly stammering “uh, uh… I don’t know?” like I did at the actual interview (shout out to Payscale.com for saving my bacon). This ounce of preparation seems to have gotten me the top end of my asking price, so I am feeling pretty fucking smug right about now. Watch this space for a detailed accounting of my comeuppance once I actually start, you know… WORKING.
I was going to write some nonsense about The Biggest Loser, but in the meantime a mommyblogging kerfuffle seems to have happened over at Amalah‘s over the announcement of her pregnancy at 6 weeks and a miscarriage scare that seems to have sent some people into a fit regarding her supposed insensitivity. I didn’t find the story particularly insensitive or self-absorbed (any more than blogging is by its very nature), but a comment made by Professormama really jumped out at me:
I’m sure your pregnancy will be healthy and problem free, but I just had to comment for all the other mamas out there- we can save ourselves a lot of heartache by holding back on our expectations a little while.
Most miscarriages, like mine, are inexplicable and happen after one or more healthy pregnancies, they are not anyone’s fault. After I had mine I found out that a bunch people I knew had been through it. It’s something we get through, and while we each handle it and think of it differently, it will be ok even if does happen to us. So anyone out there reading this, that has miscarried or is worried about early pregnancy loss, it’s not something we get to control, and even if it happens you will be ok, and you can still have another healthy baby.
Wishing you and all your currently pregnant readers peace of mind and body.
The part in particular that stuck with me is “AFTER I had mine I found out a BUNCH [of] people I knew had been through it” (emphasis mine). Mostly the “after” part. That means that BUNCHES of women miscarry (without knowing the specific number that “bunches” refers to in this comment, I think it’s safe to assume its significant, at least within this woman’s social circle), but they never talk about it- otherwise perhaps the commenter might have known that there were other women in her social circle who had been through the same horrible event she had. But no, she only found out about these other “bunches” of women AFTER she herself miscarried, and presumably after she could bring herself to discuss it with others.
Why don’t women talk more about miscarriage? If “bunches” of us are having them all the time, then why aren’t we talking about it more? We talk about our periods, and our hemorrhoids, and our breast implants, so the “it’s personal” argument doesn’t really hold water, for me at least. We talk about our children dying, and our mothers and fathers dying, and our pets dying, so why is this particular death more taboo than any other?
I announced my own pregnancy at 5 weeks, which goes against all conventional wisdom regarding such announcements. And what do you know- that post garnered me more hits that I have ever seen on this blog, ever. Which I found utterly surprising- I certainly didn’t expect to see such an enthusiastic response, nor did I post the news with that goal in mind. But it did serve to show me that there really is some sort of community of people out there willing to wish a stranger good luck, and to share in a little piece of their good news. And honestly, it gave me a little bit of hope, that should I, GOD FORBID, miscarry at some point between now and December, there would be strangers out there willing to show their support then too.
Obviously, women have talked about their miscarriages on blogs for some time, but it seems to be that the conversation might benefit from a wider discussion- if bunches of us are miscarrying, then shouldn’t bunches of us be talking about it?