I don’t usually think of showering as an activity that requires a lot of thought- I’ve been doing it so long (minus this stint of unemployment, where it has often been at the very bottom of the priority list, read: not done for multiple days in a row, perhaps totaling 7) that I am pretty sure that, were such a thing to exist, I would pass a showering test with flying colors.

My showering order of operations (I always loved that phrase in math class- it just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?) is set in stone- I always do the same things in the same order, and if any particular shower needs an additional thing done during it (say, pumice-ing [I know, not a word.  Deal.] my feet) I just tack it on at the end.  Ok, well, not really the end, since the end is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, so then before last, or penultimate, another word I am completely enamored of.

This order of approaching my shower is so regular than any deviations from the norm are not only astounding, but also kind of distressing.  Today, during my late-in-the-day shower, that I had totally intended to complete earlier so my hair would be dry by the time I had to leave to pick up J, I was going about normal showering business, when I skipped the soaping up part, and went straight (FOR ONCE!) to brushing my teeth.

Once the toothbrush hit my mouth, I realized I was doing things out of order, and I SWEAR TO GOD, my thoughts were thus, and in this order:

1) OH SHIT, I am supposed to be soaping, but there is a toothbrush in my mouth, this is going to mess everything up

2) There was actually a time in my life wherein this discovery would have caused me to seriously contemplate starting the whole showering process all over again

3) Is this a legitimate blog topic, since today I have been so bored I can’t even come up with anything interesting to TWITTER about, and I can’t tell if I’m so bored I’m tempted to blog about showering, or if someone, somewhere might actually be interested?

4) FUCK IT.

So I continued with the toothbrushing, because it was already in my mouth, and I am not actually that big a fan of brushing my teeth, so the idea of stopping, soaping, and then starting over with the toothbrushing seemed like a giant hassle, and also unpleasant.  “It’s ok,” I thought, “I’ll just soap after brushing my teeth.”

BUT HERE’S THE THING.  Once I was done brushing my teeth, I picked up the face wash, since that is the NORMAL order of operations, brush teeth, then wash face.  I ALMOST SKIPPED THE SOAPING.  AGAIN.  At this point I was wondering if I should skip the soaping altogether, like perhaps today was not the day soaping was meant to happen.  But this morning I went to yoga, where I sweated (what?  That doesn’t look right- did sweat? got sweaty? I don’t know) and when I sweat, I REALLY FUCKING SWEAT, like dripping off my nose and shit, so skipping the soap wasn’t really an option, besides which I’m going to a party in LA tonight, and something tells me they check for that sort of shit up there.

By this point, this particular shower is essentially totally ruined, since instead of mentally checking out and simply enjoying the beating rhythm of water on my head, I was having to think seriously about the order in which I approach my shower, and how to properly deal with a deviation in said order.

I put the face wash down, and VERY CONSCIOUSLY picked up the soap.  Fortunately, I did not, once the soaping was done, pick the fucking toothbrush up, even though that is the next step normally, and I think this has to do with my lack of enthusiasm for toothbrushing.  If the next step was, say, face washing, I am not sure I wouldn’t have just gone ahead and repeated it.

I managed to finish my showering in the proper order and the day was not entirely ruined, as there were new hair products to try (ones with hideous names like Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, I SHIT YOU NOT, such are the crosses those of us with naturally curly hair must bear), products that smell like dessert, and thus far appear to be working well.  And J just called and I don’t have to cook dinner, so things are actually looking up around here.

What about you?  Shower routine, or free-form?

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