I took Olivia to the pediatrician a while ago, because her eyes were puffy (I KNOW I KNOW, but I’m a first timer, so, you know, slack: CUT ME SOME), and took advantage of the time in the office to ask a barrage of questions about feeding and sleeping and formula and so on and so forth. And because I am long-winded, we spent a lot of time in there, and as a result, Olivia was getting tired (not that she would actually nap when we got home, but whatever, that’s a different post), and, as she is wont to do lately, she stuck her little thumb in her mouth. As we were getting ready to go, the pediatrician said, “she looks great, I love the eating, I love the crawling, and I love the thumb-sucking.”
And then I FELL OUT, because y’all, I have a confession to make. I sucked my thumb until I was twenty-five. No, that’s not a typo- TWENTY-FIVE. That’s all of high-school, all of college, and well into my SECOND job. At that point, I, personally, was well beyond caring about what people thought about it, but by then I’d heard a LIFETIME of grumbling about it. So hearing the pediatrician say that not only was she not worried about it, but she actually “loved it” made me drop my jaw. And also spend ten more minutes in the office, asking her a whole ‘nother series of questions about thumb-sucking.
It drove my parents batshit (my mom comments here, so I’ll let her add in her two cents), and they did everything in their power to get me to stop. A sort of grate attached to my upper teeth and running across the roof of my mouth that was supposed to make it hurt when I sucked only left me with deep groves in my thumb come morning. That nasty pepper nail polish wears off if you suck at it persistently, you know. Yelling and eye-rolling didn’t work either, and I think they eventually gave up- either that or I moved out of the house, and we rarely talked about it ever again.
Y’all, I have another confession- I don’t actually get why it’s that big a deal. Why, at some age, parents decide that it’s a habit that must absolutely be broken. My pediatrician told me it’s about the teeth- well, ok. But (this is not going to be a super popular opinion) aren’t straight teeth sort of an aesthetic thing? Like, you’re not going to DIE, if your teeth aren’t straight, are you? Perhaps I am one of the lucky ones, but while my thumb-sucking gave me a serious underbite, but it doesn’t impede my ability to talk, eat, drink, or give blow jobs (NOT THAT I ACTUALLY KNOW THAT FOR SURE, HAVING NEVER ACTUALLY DONE IT, I’M ASSUMING HERE), and I’ve never had braces or other orthodonic correction. Maybe that makes me one of the lucky ones- I don’t know.
I do know that it didn’t bother ME, personally, but it sure did bother the SHIT out of everyone around me. I knew my parents hated it, and so I tried my best to do it in secret, but it was more powerful than me, most of the time. I’m sure my classmates talked about me behind my back, but…. uhhh, they were doing it BEHIND MY BACK, so I never actually heard it. My sixth grade teacher was so troubled by it he took me aside to ask how the “quitting” was going, and then managed to talk my parents into taking me to some sort of therapist, who was going to “fix” it for me- I’m not sure quite how, because I refused to go more than once.
I asked about it on Twitter, and it would seem that there are a fair number of us out there that sucked our thumbs into the elementary school years (although I appear to be the lone one holding out until my mid-twenties), and several people mentioned that they were peer-pressured into quitting. Which made me think two things- either I grew up in a particularly polite town, or my memory is super faulty, but I don’t recall being openly teased or called baby-ish in my first years in school, and secondly HOLD THE PHONE. We spend A LOT of time teaching our kids to RESIST peer-pressure- just because Tommy is smoking behind the bleachers doesn’t mean you should too- but in THIS PARTICULAR CASE, we WANT them to bend to it? We teach our kids not to call other children names, but IN THIS CASE, it’s ok? No deals.
If you’re paying attention, you might wonder then why I ever quit at all- I mean, if I STILL haven’t heard a reason that moves me to think that once Olivia turns, I don’t know, five, or whatever, I’ll need to bring the hammer down on her thumb-sucking (if she even still does it), then why don’t I still suck my own thumb? I don’t suck my thumb because I don’t need to anymore, and the reason I don’t need to anymore is because I take anti-anxiety medications. I am DEAD SERIOUS right now- I am 100% sure that if I hadn’t ever gotten medicated I would STILL be sucking my thumb, a month shy of my THIRTY-SIXTH birthday.
I’m not saying all thumb-suckers are dealing with anxiety issues- I don’t know why anyone sucks their thumb other than me. And for me, it was clearly a self-soothing technique that served me well until I decided to medicate, and honestly, it was free, easy, and I never had to worry about it running out, or not being able to find a doctor to prescribe it to me. I’d even venture that as self-soothing techniques go, thumb-sucking has to be one of the more innocuous ones out there.
So. Olivia sucks her thumb, and I kinda don’t care. What do you think?
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March 25, 2012 at 4:44 am
Melissa
My daughter sucks her thumb as well. She never took a pacifier. She would cry and gag dramatically if we put it in her mouth. She was soothed by two things before that: nursing or sucking on my pinkie finger while I held her. Do you know what you can get done with a baby in one arm and the pinkie finger of the other hand in her mouth? Nothing! No eating, drinking, nose scratching, brushing the heir out of your eyes or phone calls. She found her thumb and I felt like shouting “Hallelujah!”. I was half free,
We got so many drive by comments by people it made me insane. My favorite was, “You can take away a pacifier but not a thumb. She will never break that habit.”
Honestly? She is two. She uses it to tell us she is tired and rarely other times. I’m in no hurry to break her of it. She’s a great sleeper and very easy to soothe. After the discovery of thebthumb, bedtime is nothing more than putting an awake kid in the crib, kissing her forehead, pulling up her blanket, and handing her her lovey. Easy.
There maybe a tooth problem later, but I think our problem this winter was germs. She was pretty much sick the entire winter with tiny day or two breaks. We are trying to teach good hand washing habits, but she is TWO. Willful, strong, delightful, mischievous two. Also, it’s sometimes not convenient so if she plays somewhere, we get in the car, she pops her thumb in and goes to sleep and I curse under my breath as more germs enter her mouth. That is my biggest thumb pet peeve.
I’m sure she will break the habit when she doesn’t need it. I used to suck the inner part of my wrist as a kid (like a six year old) and I don’t do that now.
March 25, 2012 at 6:11 am
Tara
I agree with you. I sucked my thumb till I was four, because I was the kid that did what her parents told her (ha, until middle school, I guess) and they said I had to stop when I was four. My pediatric dentist enforced this, too. I never thought about it being linked to anxiety, which I’ve struggled with for many, many years. And I wonder, had I not been a rule-following child, would I have kept going until I was 26, pregnant, and in dire need of an anti-deppressant/anti-anxiety medication. Further, my nervous tick is nail-biting, which is MUCH grosser than thumb-sucking, as it leave behind gross nail clippings and makes my nails disgusting. So I think your pediatrician is awesome. And given your history with thumb-sucking, if you want Olivia to stop, or if she wants to stop but can’t, you will be able to target much earlier in her life why she is sucking her thumb, and what it will take for her to stop.
March 25, 2012 at 8:41 am
Susie
I never sucked my thumb – I was all about my pinkie. … I still suck on it sometimes, when I am sick or too anxious to sleep. I’m 27. The earth still spins, the sun still rises, my teeth are just fine.
March 25, 2012 at 9:13 am
Diane
When Violet sucked her thumb, I wasn’t worried about the teeth really at all. She got a bit of an overbite, and the dentist didn’t love it, but whatever. For me it was a hygiene thing. She did it pretty much anywhere we were, and it was sitting in the grocery cart that bothered me the most. She’d touch everything! Then the thumb in the mouth! Then touch MORE THINGS. I’m not a complete germaphobe, but that was enough for me. We made a rule at some point that she could only do it once we’d gotten home and she washed her hands. She understood and went along with it, thankfully. I would have been fine with her keeping it up FOREVER as long as she did it with clean hands, but she gave it up on her own the day she turned 4. (Which was honestly a relief, because of the teeth and the dentist and yada.) She DEFINITELY has anxiety, and we found some other routines and whatnot to help her deal with falling asleep. I’m glad you shared this, and hopefully parents who are in the throes of trying to end thumb-sucking will come across it and see it from the kid’s perspective a bit and maybe look for gentler ways of stopping it that don’t turn into a power struggle.
March 25, 2012 at 9:49 am
Noemi
To be fair, my pediatrician did mention the germ/hygiene thing, and I get that- having a kid who is sick all the time must be a total pain in the ass (Olivia, knock on wood, hasn’t had more than a cold thus far). So I can see putting restrictions or conditions on when and where thumb-sucking is ok.
It occurred to me after I published that I wouldn’t want Olivia to try and TALK with her thumb in her mouth either, so there’s another situation where it might be a good idea to curb the behavior.
Thanks, y’all. I feel better.
March 25, 2012 at 9:50 am
Jess
I totally agree. I sucked my thumb until I was 9 or 10 and EVERYONE tried to get me to stop and nothing worked and finally I just… stopped, without trying. I just didn’t need to anymore, for whatever reason. I still don’t see what the big deal was either. My teeth are also perfectly straight and never required orthodontia. But you’re right that the vast majority of braces are given for cosmetic reasons anyway.
Callum doesn’t seem to have self-soothing techniques… occasionally he will stick a finger in his mouth but he doesn’t suck his thumb (or finger) regularly and he won’t take a pacifier. He also doesn’t have a stuffed animal, blankie, etc. that he’s attached to. So this probably won’t be an issue with him, but if he did suck his thumb, I wouldn’t be concerned about him stopping at some pre-decided age.
March 26, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Jennielee
I sucked my finger until I was 13 and my crazy orthodontia got in the way of me enjoying it. My son is 3 months and trying desperately to get his hand/finger/thumb in his mouth and I am ALL FOR IT! He is such a fuss-bot I’m hoping it will help.
March 27, 2012 at 3:20 pm
Cecile
OK, this is an opening I can’t resist…but first another confession: I have very, very bad teeth, always had as a child and if now my teeth don’t look half-way bad it is because I have an equivalent of the price of a loaded Mercedes in my mouth…
So, when Noemi was born I knew that there was no way she will need to spend as much time in a dentist’s chair having her teeth pulled as I did. I took her to a dentist before she had her full set of deciduous teeth…She loved it, the attention, the oooh and aaah of the detal assisstants and most of all grabbing a little toy from a big box in the waiting room…
Fast forward: she got a full set of permanent teeth, including an underbite easily accomodating a thumb. I was informed that there was no point in spending money on braces unless and until Noemi stops sucking her thumb. So, yes, we made her try a device that did not work and stopped there…
And after a while I decided that bringing up a child stops somewhere around age 16, you do your best, which is far from perfect and you live with the result, which actually is pretty darn rewarding in my case!
April 23, 2012 at 11:30 am
mrsclare
I know I’m late to the party here, catching on my blog reading after a month or more away!
I actually think thumb sucking is “nicer” than biting ones nails to red rawness.
I recall you sucking your thumb in high school but I don’t recall it bothering me or talking about it with anyone. Then again Abee remembers all sorts of things from HS that I do not since my mind was not really present in the moment for a lot of it so I don’t recall as much as others do. I imagine it didn’t bother me because I sucked my thumb until I was 12 or 13. Basically until I got braces and braces made my mouth hurt so the thumb sucking didn’t help. I switched to nail biting